Trump Hard at Work Not Working

Trump Hard at Work Not Working


ENOUGH, RIGHT? I THINK WE GET IT NOW. QUICK QUESTION FOR THOSE OF YOU IN OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE. HOW MANY OF YOU ARE ON VACATION RIGHT NOW? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THE REASON I ASK IS BECAUSE WEIRDLY, IT’S BECOME UNUSUAL, ACCORDING TO A STUDY DONE BY THE U.S. TRAVEL ASSOCIATION, MORE THAN HALF OF AMERICAN WORKERS DO NOT USE ALL THEIR VACATION DAYS, WHICH IS CONFUSING, BECAUSE BASED ON WHAT I SEE ON INSTAGRAM, IT SEEMS LIKE ALL ANYONE EVER DOES IS GO ON VACATION. BUT THEY SAY THAT LAST YEAR ALONE, U.S. WORKERS LEFT ALMOST 800 MILLION DAYS OF VACATION ON THE TABLE. THEY DIDN’T TAKE THOSE DAYS OFF. I GUESS FERRIS BUEHLER’S SACRIFICE MEANT NOTHING TO US AT ALL. THE ONLY AMERICAN WHO’S REALLY USING HIS VACATION IS DONALD TRUMP. THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN — [ APPLAUSE ] I HAVE TO HAND IT TO HIM. HE HAS BEEN VERY HARD AT WORK NOT WORKING LATELY. THE FIRST ITEM ON TRUMP’S SCHEDULE TODAY, AND THIS IS TRUE, WAS AT 11:45. PEOPLE WHO WORK AT MARIJUANA DISPENSARIES GET TO WORK EARLIER THAN THAT. HIS DAILY SCHEDULE. BY THE WAY, THERE’S NO COMMUTE. HE WORKS IN THE HOUSE. DAILY SCHEDULE IS BASICALLY WAKE UP, TV, TV, TWEET, TWEET, YELL AT REPORTERS IN FRONT OF A HELICOPTER. EAT, TWEET, TV TWEET, EAT, SLEEP, REPEAT. [ APPLAUSE ] HE HAD ONE PUBLIC EVENT ON HIS SCHEDULE THIS WEEK. HE PRESENTED THE MEDAL OF FREEDOM TO NBA HALL-OF-FAMER JERRY WEST. THAT WAS IT THIS WEEK. LAST WEEK HE HAD ONE EVENT ON HIS SCHEDULE. HE HAD A CEREMONY NOTICE ROSE GARDEN TO AUTHORIZE THE NEW SPACE FORCE. EVEN BEN CARSON IS SAYING YOU MIGHT WANT TO PICK UP THE PACE ON THIS. IT’S A LITTLE WEIRD WHEN FWAR MOW IS WORKING HARDER THAN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.>>THAT’S RIGHT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: THE PRESIDENT DID FIND TIME IN HIS SCHEDULE TO COME UP WITH A NICKNAME FOR THE STAR OF “WILL & GRACE” TODAY. THIS MORNING HE WROTE BAD ACTRESS, DEBRA “THE MESS” MESSING IS IN HOT WATER. GOOD ONE, DONNIE. SHE WANTS TO CREATE A BLACK LIST OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS AND IS ACCUSE THE OF McCARTHYISM AND OF BEING A RACIST BALECAUSE OF THE THINGS SHE SAID ABOUT BLACKS AND MENTAL ILLNESS. IF ROSEANNE BARR SAID IT, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN THROWN OFF TELEVISION. SHE WAS THROWN OFF TELEVISION. WILL NBC CONTINUE TO ALLOW A RACIST. WATCH THE DOUBLE STANDARD. HE DOES HAVE A POINT. THIS IS AMERICA. THE ONLY RACIST WHO SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A TV SHOW IS HIM. REALLY, HE’S THE PRESIDENT. REMEMBER WHEN DONALD TRUMP VOWED TO TAKE OUT ISIS? I GUESS THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN, SO HE’S GOING AFTER “WILL & GRACE”, AND DEBRA “THE MESS” MESSING. BUT THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY. IDLE HANDS ARE THE DEVIL’S TINY WORKSHOP. HE PUSHED BACK AGAINST REPORTS THAT HE WASN’T WORKING MUCH. THEY RERE-LEASED HIS SCHEDULE, CALL KINGS OF PLACES, DO STUFF, LEAD, AND SHARPIE. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE PRESIDENT NOT WORKING. IN FACT, THAT IS WHAT I WANT. I DON’T WANT HIM WORKING. YOU KNOW YOU’RE ON A BAD ROAD TRIP WHEN YOU’RE GLAD THE DRIVER FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL. THAT’S HOW I LOOK AT IT. SO TRUMP’S NUMBER ONE FOCUS TODAY WAS TO TRY TO CONVINCE US YET AGAIN THAT HE WASN’T WRONG ABOUT THIS HURRICANE HEADING TOWARD ALABAMA. YESTERDAY HE SHOWED A MAP THAT WAS ALTERED WITH A SHARPIE THAT SAID THE HURRICANE COULD HIT ALABAMA. AND TODAY HE TWEETED SIX TIMES ABOUT THIS TODAY. ALABAMA WAS GOING TO BE HIT OR GRAZED, AND THEN HURRICANE DORIAN TOOK A DIFFERENT PATH. THE FAKE NEWS KNOWS THIS VERY WELL. THAT’S WHY THEY’RE THE FAKE NEWS. CERTAIN MODELS STRONGLY SUGGESTED THAT ALABAMA AND GEORGIA WOULD BE HIT. THE GREAT STATE OF ALABAMA WOULD HAVE BEEN HIT OR GRAZED. WHAT I SAID WAS ACCURATE. JUST AS I SAID, ALABAMA WAS ORIGINALLY PROJECTED TO BE HIT. I WAS WITH YOU ALL THE WAY, ALABAMA. THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA WAS NOT. THERE IS NO QUESTION IN MY MIND HE NOW WANTS ALABAMA TO BE HIT BY A HURRICANE. HE’S DYING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN. [ APPLAUSE ] IF YOU ARE IN BIRMINGHAM, HUNTSVILLE, MOBILE, NOTHING WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPIER THAN TO SEE YOU GUYS WIPED OUT TONIGHT. TODAY, BY THE WAY, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT ANONYMOUS OP ED IN THE “NEW YORK TIMES” WRITTEN BY AN UNKNOWN SENIOR MEMBER OF HIS ADMINISTRATION? WELL, THIS PERSON ROWROTE THAT LOT OF PEOPLE IN TRUMP’S CIRCLE WERE STICKING AROUND TO KEEP HIM FROM PURSUING HIS WORST IMPULSES. THIS PERSON SAID THEIR PLAN WAS TO STAY AND TRY REIN HIM IN. THAT WAS A PLAN, YOU GET AN F-MINUS, BECAUSE IT DID NOT WORK. THE ARTICLE SAID, THE QUOTE WAS THERE ARE ADULTS IN THE ROOM. UH, SPECIFICALLY, ADULT FILM STARS, BUT TODAY IS THE ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THAT OP ED, WHICH WAS TITLED, I AM PART OF THE RESISTANCE. WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHO WROTE THIS. TODAY THE TIMES RELEASED A VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH THE WRITER. I THINK IF YOU PAY ATTENTION THERE ARE SOME CLUES TO BE FOUND HERE.>>YOU CLAIM TO BE THE AUTHOR OF I’M PART OF THE RESISTANCE INSIDE THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, IS THAT CORRECT? ?>>YES.>>AND YOU CLAIM TO HAVE CLOSE ACCESS TO THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF?>>VERY CLOSE.>>HOW CLOSE?>>TOO CLOSE.>>YOU ALSO PURPORT TO BE PART OF THE GROUP THAT RESISTS THE PRESIDENT’S AGENDA?>>I MEAN, YES.>>HOW DO YOU DO THAT? HOW DO YOU RESIST?>>OH, I DO MANY TINGS, MANY TINGS. I TIE HIS SHOELACES TOGETHER. I LACE HIS ADDERALL WITH SKITTLES. THE TOILET SEAT CLOSED. MANY THINGS.>>AND WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?>>BECAUSE HE IS IDIOT. I WANT TO GO BACK TO NEW YORK AND DO SHOPPINGS. HOW MANY POPEYE CHICKENS CAN THIS FATTY EAT? UH, I HAVE TO DO GROOMING NOW. BE BEST.>>Jimmy: YOU KNOW, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYONE. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN COUNT CHOCULA’S WIFE FOR ALL WE KNOW. MEANWHILE, GENERAL JOHN KELLY, WHOM SOME SUGGESTED WAS THE PERSON WHO WROTE THAT OP ED, ACCORDING TO CNN, WHEN HE LEFT, HE PROMISED THE PRESIDENT HE WOULDN’T WRITE A TELL-ALL BOOK WHILE HE WAS STILL IN OFFICE. TRUMP PROMISED KELLY THAT HE, IN TURN, WOULD NOT READ A BOOK WHILE IN OFFICE. IT’S A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED THE ART OF THE DEAL. BUT I’D RAEAD IT, BUT DO WE REALLY NEED A TELL-ALL BOOK FROM JOHN KELLY? SEEMS LIKE HIS FACE TOLD US ALL WE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON THERE. HERE’S ONE WE WON’T HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL TRUMP IS OUT OF OFFICE FOR. SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS IS WRITING A BOOK. WE ALSO LEARNED THE TITLE. IT WILL BE CALLED “THIS IS NOT A BOOK.” AND, YOU KNOW, AS PRESS SECRETARY, SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS WORKED ABOUT AS HARD AS HER BOSS IS WORKING. SHE WENT 94 DAYS WITHOUT HOLDING A PRESS BRIEFING. CHAPTER FOUR, SARAH SITS IN HER OFFICE FOR A MONTH, EVALUATING MARS BARS. I IMAGINED A LOT OF THINGS WOULD

Author: Kevin Mason

100 thoughts on “Trump Hard at Work Not Working

  1. While we are laughing THE PARASITE in the White House and his family are committing crime, looting the country while putting millions of innocent people’s lives in danger.
    Republicans also are getting away with crimes.

  2. So, Kimmel, with the economy booming better than ever, the new trade agreements giving U.S. workers a fair deal, and all other improvements Trump has made, what universe do you pretend to be a comedian in?

  3. Eat , tweet and sleep. He obviously doesn’t sh*t he just gets filled up more and more with each tweet soon his skin will also turn brown

  4. These two short sentences tell you a lot about
    our government and our culture…..

    1. We are advised to not judge ALL Muslims by
    the actions of a few lunatics, BUT…we are encouraged
    to judge ALL GUN OWNERS by the actions of a few
    lunitics… Funny how that works…

    and here is another one worth considering….

    2. Seems we constantly hear about how
    Social Security is going to run out of money…
    Yet, HOW come w never hear about WELFARE running
    out of money…?
    Interesting is that the first group worked for
    their money, but the second didn't….!!!

    Pass it on… Profound isn't it…?

  5. These two short sentences tell you a lot about
    our government and our culture…..

    1. We are advised to not judge ALL Muslims by
    the actions of a few lunatics, BUT…we are encouraged
    to judge ALL GUN OWNERS by the actions of a few
    lunitics… Funny how that works…

    and here is another one worth considering….

    2. Seems we constantly hear about how
    Social Security is going to run out of money…
    Yet, HOW come w never hear about WELFARE running
    out of money…?
    Interesting is that the first group worked for
    their money, but the second didn't….!!!

    Pass it on… Profound isn't it…?

  6. 🇷🇺💩💩🇷🇺🇷🇺💩💩🇷🇺💩🇷🇺💩🇷🇺💩🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🇷🇺💩🇷🇺💩🇷🇺💩🇷🇺💩🇷🇺💩💩💩💩👖🔥

  7. Stop destroying Trump you idiots! He is actually doing things for the country instead of boring stand up comedy for housewives!
    Obama was a true disaster, but because he made himself one of the celebrities nobody bothered to actually check what he was doing. NOTHING

  8. Why argue with a nut, just let him think he’s right and then, including the nut, we can move onto to the next stupid comment from the nut as if the nut will ever, ever, ever, I think ever, ever stop being a nut.

  9. Hey Sarah ¨the huckster¨ Sanders : Why on this God´s earth would anyone, and I mean anyone, want to purchase a book full of lies.

  10. very hypocritical video tag from anyone in late night talk show celebrity culture they use to be funny when they had individual content the echo chambers on all these lefties are so loud they don't hear how retarded they are nothing is unbiased when all people do spew out garbage they have no story or facts on just trying to keep the mindless lemmings watching the same recording on every night produced by their handlers at the DNC

  11. Rump is working to personally use up those 800m unused vacation days. His motto is from the classic Bachman-Turner Overdrive song “Taking Care of Business”; …look at me I’m self-employed, I love to work at nothing all day.

  12. You know that Blue Tsunami in the mid-terms?…could y'all kindly double-down on that for 2020, and vote all the Evil GOP bottom-feeders out. Make America Sane Again.

  13. You are so funny Jimmy….Trump is losing his hearing but not his nauseating voice conducting press interviews near a running helicopter. Case in point every time he says something stupid his staff say he didn't hear the question, although he repeats the question back to the person asking it….VOTE THIS NAUSEATINGLY SICK CONMAN OUT IN 2020 ALONG WITH MASSACRE MOSCOW MITCH MCCONNELL AND AS MANY REPUBLICANS AS POSSIBLE! SAVE OUR COUNTRY!

  14. What are you talking about? Strong economy, lowest unemployment rate, 6 million jobs, 5 million people coming off food stamp… WTF are you talking about he’s doing nothing??? He’s done more for this country than Obama…

  15. If he's not working, then why does the press and all you liberals in the comments blame him for everything that happens in the country? I mean obviously, if he's not working then he couldn't possibly have anything to do with anything at all

  16. I recently asked my neighbors little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' Her parents beamed.

    'Wow…what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'

    She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'

    I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.' Her parents still aren't speaking to me……..

  17. Interesting. I read about Roseanne being fired maybe around the time this came out. It was in August I think… early August I mean.

  18. Lowest unemployment numbers since the 70’s
    More blacks are working now than ever
    More Hispanics working now than ever
    Stock market booming
    Consumer confidence high
    Tax cuts
    How stupid are you people believing this propaganda. Pathetic
    It’s actually comical

  19. He was never funny. He's clueless/dangerous/rich and has too much power.
    I appreciate people with power using their influence to make others realize this. We need a new voice.
    He is single-handedly keeping twitter relevant. Nobody cares dude.

  20. My father told me a mans worth is in the weight of his words and promises kept. How many promises do we all make and break. I believe he only missed on one electoral promise. Lets see, got jobs back, has not yet started a war with anyone, actually he has avoided two maybe three. Fixed a lot of your financial inconsistencies. Oh yeah actually has made blacks and latin americans advance for first time in decades. Yes he lies gets carried away but we all do he just knows its part of every human.
    so whats the promise he hasn't realized yet. The wall, he promised it would be built and paid for. So the only thing not done is the thing that his opposition did not want anyways..

  21. Oh they took vacation… it was called…” hi, I don’t feel well today, I can’t come in” then they went to NY for the day or did something they wanted to do.

  22. It’s sad when a TV show co-host is saying what those Evangelical so called Christians should be saying.
    Yes Idle hands are a devils workshop!!!

    Well said Kimmel!

  23. I’m with you all the way Alabama… this man is deranged . Meanwhile people are dying and losing everything they own. Good Lord.

  24. youve got balls you have probably never worked a real job in your life. if you go off the air no one will miss you thats your legacy

  25. it seems that the person or persons that wrote the op ed have spent their time distracting trump with the weather random celebrities and disinformation.While he is putting on a one man comedy show they get on with running the country

  26. Which is more "creative"? To sit on the couch, eating Cheetos and watching cartoons. Or to get up at the crack of dawn to suck the joy out of life, pollute and destroy the planet all day long?

    Life is best when Trump is doing nothing.

  27. Whats Jimmy the Liberal, going to talk about if Trump is out? Still waiting for him to make a joke about any Democrat Candidate, Pelosi, Chucky the Liar and flip flopper..
    But silly me. The media and Hollywood is "Balanced".. Right?

  28. I can’t stand your show why can’t you say something good about trump 2020 more crying he will win again because the left can’t beat him

  29. I think it's horribly unfair that you don't give Trump credit for the two hours it takes him to style his hair and spray on his orange day-glo paint. And think how long it probably takes to wash the hairspray, gel and skin goop off at night–probably another hour.

  30. Jimmy you’re causing hate speech for our, or I mean MY president. I think socially those who partake in these debates don’t hear true facts, the news media get false facts. Some broadcast said Bernie a Democrat could win Texas and facts the last time we voted for a democrat was 1976 jimmy charter. So why talk about anything political on your show? There’s like these rhetorics about Trump is saying this or doing that and is this. False news. Pay close attention to democrats. They are the ones with lefts and I’m a righty. Lefties are weird.

  31. Lowest unemployment in all categories. Gasoline costs are like when I was a teenager. You people are damn morons who have been manipulated so much you don't have a mind of your own. Trump is winning in EVERY area.. EVERY area, any setbacks and he blows thru them without a sweat. We laugh at you scumbags….winning winning winning winning MAGA MAGA MAGA.

  32. I’m Busy Doing Nothing Working the whole dat thru … Trying to Find lots of things Not to do … I’m Busy Going Nowhere Having a Real Good Time … I’d Like to Be Unhappy But I Never Can Find the time … lol … Trumps Theme Song … lol …

  33. Democrats cant even impeach him   – there sure seems to be a lot Democrats  in trouble these days stay tuned more to come

  34. This isn't funny. Even leftists can't say this is funny. Man, the left is absolute best opponent anyone could have, they come with their own destruction built-in,

  35. Hey Kimmel, what world leader have you confronted lately in the interests of the American people? No, you just talk a lot of crap.

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