An Honest Dentist Ad

An Honest Dentist Ad

– [Narrator] You’ve ignored
your reminder postcards from your dentist for years now. You’ve dreaded the guilt
trip from your dentist more than your own parents. But starting this week is the biggest semi-annual dentist appointment ever, because it’s the one
you’ll actually go to, because you’re an adult, and
adults go to the dentist. – [Distorted Voice] Dentist, dentist. – [Narrator] Even though
the entire experience is completely miserable. We’re basically torturing you. Get ready for a waiting room
that hasn’t changed in years. No one’s even fixed
that crooked stock photo on the wall that drives
you (deep voice) crazy. Get there early to take
advantage of the latest forms, so you can fill them in with lies about how much you drink and smoke. And we have not one, not two, not three, but four people who could remember you from the last time you were
here and probably won’t. – [Distorted Voice]
Dentist, dentist, dentist. – [Narrator] But that just
means we can get to know you all over again. Don’t like talking to people? – [Distorted Voice] Tough shit. We’re reclining you in this chair and shoving this thing in
your mouth to keep it open. Still not talking? Here’s some interrogation room lighting. Now, tell us what you do for work and what kind of dog do you have? Do you see these torture tools? Show us photos of your dog, now! Here’s a funny joke about dogs. Now laugh, even though
you can’t move your jaw. – [Narrator] Great. Now you’re ready for us to put a different plastic thing in your mouth
for state-of-the-art x-rays. We guarantee you’ll gag at least twice, and that’s not all. You’ll gag and drool
when we clean your teeth and don’t use that suction
straw thing enough. – [Distorted Voice] Dentist. – [Narrator] Do you know how
to properly brush your teeth? We’ll tell you as if no
one’s ever told you before. We’ll tell you to brush softly as we hack away at your gums
like we’re avenging a murder, because if there’s one thing
you should learn today, it’s that– – [Distorted Voice] Gums kill. Now spit in that little sink thing. You’re bleeding, loser. – [Narrator] Hey, did you know you grind your teeth at night? Come to the dentist and we’ll reveal how your own body is
betraying you while you sleep. It’s not your jaw’s fault. It’s probably just taking
orders from your gums. – [Distorted Voice] We hate gums. – [Narrator] Let’s floss. You floss, right? Then you won’t mind us
officially declaring war on the spaces between your teeth. Oh, it looks like your
gums are bleeding again. Are you sure you floss? It’s not time for games, Jonathan. – [Distorted Voice] Look at our tools. Look at them. That’s right, of course you don’t floss. No one does. That’s why you have to come here so we can floss your stupid teeth for you you little baby. – [Narrator] Bad news. You need a root canal,
but here’s the good news. We’re about to get you (high-pitched voice) really (beep) high. It’s the biggest semi-annual
dentist appointment of your life, and it’s happening now. (high energy dance music) Come in today and we’ll let you pick out a prize at the end. – [Distorted Voice] You baby. (creaking hinge)

Author: Kevin Mason

77 thoughts on “An Honest Dentist Ad

  1. You left out the part where you go into crushing debt in order to pay for that root canal and the crown afterwards that your insurance if you are lucky enough to have it won't cover because it isn't one of the crown companies they are contracted with but if you go with the cheaper version your night grinding will crack it and have you right back in the dentist chair within 6 months. Cursed body betraying me in my sleep!

  2. If it weren't for Monty Python explaining how cavities work like the Domino Theory of Communism, I would never go to the dentist…

  3. The last time I was at the dentist my corner teeth hurt like hell every time she scraped them, and she kept going back to them. Then at one point she just gets up and says, "I have to get another tool." Then she says, "This might get sensitive."

    I'm like, "We're WAY past that." That was 5 years ago. I haven't been back since…

  4. Whenever I go to the dentist, I have to actively try not to think of any dental jokes because I don’t want to start laughing when they have my mouth forced open. But every time I remember how a comedian once described the experience. "Oh, look at how your gums bleed." "That's because you're cleaning them WITH A HOOK."

  5. And my parents wondered why I was so terrified of the dentist when I was a kid. Although these days I rarely get cavities and like having my teeth all cleaned and knowing they're cavity-free after a check-up.

  6. Yes I have a lot of cavity’s, most of entire mouth has been filled to be exact, and yes I brush and floss everyday, MY OWN TEETH JUST HATE ME FOR SOME REASON.

  7. My biggest pet peeve is how at a lot of dentists you spend like 20 minutes with the hygienist and then literally like 60 seconds with the actual dentist. He just comes in, takes a quick gander at your teeth, gives the thumbs up, and then leaves. No disrespect to hygienists of course, but I'm not aware of any other type of doctor you go to see that operates like this. It almost feels like if that's how they are gonna operate you might as well just make regular appointments with hygienists, and then they can send you to a dentist if they find a problem. I'm so glad my current dentist acts as his own hygienist.

  8. My dentist will give me some nitrous no problem. I dont hate the dentist anymore. I'm like, "Let's get fucked up worked on, woot woot!"

  9. $1000 deductable and max benefits of $1500 a year and it costs you $1200 a year for just having dental insurance even if you don't use it. Sounds like a deal!!

  10. Oh my gums bleed because I don’t floss. I always thought they bleed because they been stabbing my gum with metal objects for the past hour.

  11. Something I didn't need to see two weeks before my next appointment. One question they are great at asking every time is if you are done with work for the day. Uh, it's 4 o' clock. What do you think?

  12. I love my dentist. She does a great job fixing up some poor quality work from an old one and doesn't push crowns when she knows she can just patch up a filling. That said, this is all so damn true! The hygienist slices up your gums with the hook and is all shocked that your gums are bleeding. THEY HATE GUMS!

  13. They missed a good opportunity to go after the waiting room with old magazines. Where else can you catch up on age old national geographics magazines

  14. Does anybody else's mouth full up with saliva while they are getting their teeth cleaned and there's nothing you can do and your just lying there and it's the most disgusting feeling. Then when you sit back up u swallow like a gallon of spit 😂😭

  15. I actually floss, but they still always lecture me about not flossing "properly." To demonstrate the proper technique, they take some floss and grind it into my gums with enough speed and torque to start a small fire, and then tsk tsk tsk at the blood seeping between my teeth. "Seeeee? If you flossed properly, your gums wouldn't bleed!!!"

  16. What about the horrors of the bill after? As even one root canal won’t be fully covered by insurance . And if you need more work done, prepare to spend enough money that equates to a down payment of a car!! (Not just any, Mercedes or Lexus)

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